yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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