whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
