Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
