idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
one two three fourrrrnication!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
