he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
