By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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