why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
