I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
