Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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