I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
