3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
