I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
