I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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