I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
