if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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