i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
