You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
