My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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