may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
