i don't like sucking hair
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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