I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
