you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My balls are so social today.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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