'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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