genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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