FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
