Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
