i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
