Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
