Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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