I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
