Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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