Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
