oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
