She is in my trunk
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
