Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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