I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
