all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
