those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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