How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
