But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
