My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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