why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
