You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The beer is more important than you right now.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
