I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
