I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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