Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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