There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
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