my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
