Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's official drugs can't kill me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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