Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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